There’s a reason for the saying “A crazy little thing called love” – and well, it’s because love is a crazy thing. Most of the time, you can’t pinpoint exactly why you love someone. At least, you can’t narrow it down to just one little thing. Do you wonder why does love fade over time? Lets find it out here.
That’s because love is a collection of millions of micro-moments and micro-actions that come together, until the day you realize: Whoa. I love this person.
After that initial high of realizing that you’ve fallen in love with someone and that they’ve also fallen in love with you, cue the honeymoon phase. There is nothing as intoxicating as the initial stages of love, because dopamine levels are at their highest. Everything about this person is foreign and exciting to you, and all you want to do is spend time with them, peeling back all their layers and getting to know everything there is to learn about them.
However, over time, as the initial excitement fades, dopamine levels begin to plummet, and you’ll have to find ways other than the dopamine thrill to stay attached and committed to your partner. The early stages of love are a thrilling merry-go-round, whereas the later stages feel more like a choice. You’re no longer high off dopamine – you’re now putting in the effort every day to appreciate this person, and if you don’t put in that effort, that’s when love begins to feel as though it is fading.
Passion fades, companionship is forever
It isn’t the love that fades over time – it’s the mystery. When we love, we often love for a lifetime. But it isn’t the same kind of love the whole time. The love that fades is the wild, passionate love that comes with mystery. When you first start seeing someone, they don’t have to be awfully exciting for it to feel like a roller coaster. The novelty that comes with a new relationship brings on a feeling of nerves that doubles as excitement, which in turn creates that passion.
With time, the passion fades and the love becomes a more steady, comforting love. A similar feeling to the love you would have for a close family member, or a childhood friend that reminds you of home. There is so much value in having a familiar kind of love, the one where as soon as you see them, you can revert to the most authentic side of yourself.
When infatuation is over but attachment never develops
Another reason why love seems to fade is if we confuse infatuation for love. At the beginning, it can be hard to distinguish between the two. We can’t get enough of them, we get butterflies when we see them and our skin burns with desire when we touch them. For couples that truly love each other, long-term attachment forms and they are able to stay together when the dopamine goes down. However, if the love was actually just infatuation, then you might find yourself feeling bored, or even feeling like you just woke up from a dream and have no idea who it is you’re staring at, confused at how you were so head over heels obsessed with this person at a moment in time.
How to bring back the passion
So, you realized you’re in the trenches of a companionship type of love and you want to bring back the passion you once had. Luckily, you can.
By participating in dopamine-driving experiences, you can recreate those feelings you felt at the beginning of your relationship. Dopamine is triggered when you do anything that’s new to you. That’s right – you don’t have to go skydiving with your partner to get that spark back (unless you two are into that). All you need to do is do activities together that are new to the both of you.
It can be visiting a country you’ve never been to, eating at a new restaurant, going to an art exhibit, a museum, treetop trekking…the options are endless. Your feelings towards the new activity will rise your dopamine, and so will watching your partner’s reactions to the new things as well. There is so much value that comes with an openness to learn new things about your partner no matter how long you two have been together.
Another great way to bring back the passion is by prioritizing your sex life. At the end of the day, the only difference between the relationship you had with your immediate family growing up and the relationship you have with a partner as you get older is the physical aspect – so if you don’t want to end up in a family-like relationship, consider spicing up your sex life.
One of the biggest complaints from couples is that their sex lives have become routine and borderline boring. There are plenty of ways you can spice up your sex life with a long-term partner. You can try switching up positions, creating open discussions about sex, adding some new sex toys into the mix, surprising your partner with some new lingerie, watching porn together, giving them a sensual massage, flirting with your partner…and much more.
One reason why we love the option of introducing new sex toys into the mix is the novelty aspect of them. The experience of trying out new toys with your partner increases dopamine, promotes bonding and can even give you more powerful orgasms. If you’re looking for a toy that can shake things up, check out hotcherry.com for dildos with suction base.
You can stick a suction cup dildo onto the floor or wall and ride it while you please your partner, and even act out a makeshift threesome without having to introduce another person into the mix.
Remember, couples stay in love when they show a commitment to continuing to get to know each other over an entire lifetime. They don’t give up when things get repetitive and familiar – instead, they make an effort to deepen their relationship further. So, if you want to keep that passion alive, keep chasing new experiences…not new people.
